Oh! the Big O(rgasm) of female sexual wellness
Merriam-Webster defines:

orgasm

: intense or paroxysmal excitement especially : the rapid pleasurable release of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in the male and by vaginal contractions in the female.

There is a lot of shame and disgust around the topic and is seldom discussed. The external genitals of the female is called the vulva which contains the external opening of the vagina as one of its parts. We didn’t know this and we still keep addressing “it”, the vagina. A taboo to talk about the lady parts, it is always considered dirty and impure by most. We think that the brain or the heart is superior, and the vulva and the vagina which paves the way for new life, is inferior. So much for a body part, now think about the feeling of having an orgasm. All hell breaks loose when you discuss the orgasm, as if it is something that only men deserve. 

How many of our men are aware of the fact that most women take their time to orgasm? Most of us are so disconnected from our bodies, that we take our time to attune and come to the present. Pun unintended ;). A male orgasm ends with an ejaculation but the female orgasm need not end with an ejaculation, yes female ejaculation is a thing. The lack of awareness among people about the way one needs to work around the vulva is leaving most women high and dry. 

I conduct workshops for women and I’ve asked them how many openings they have down there and their answer is 2, the vaginal opening and the anus. They don’t even know the existence of a urethral opening. They think blood, baby and urine come from the same opening. Women not knowing their own bodies, is the harsh reality and a sorry state of affairs. So, here it is , the vulva predominantly consists of the clitoris, labia, urethral opening, vaginal opening, perineum and the anus. 

Heterosexuals’ intercourse is a biological process which involves the penetration of penis into the vagina for the purpose of pleasure or reproduction or both. But why are women alone made to feel ashamed of their body or needs? Sex is an art where both the parties show equal involvement. In the context of a heterosexual couple having sexual intercourse, if the man is the one who moves actively and the woman just lies there, expecting an orgasm to hit her magically, that is not going to happen. It takes work from her side too, where she needs to clench certain muscles to feel the pleasure. Most women attain clitoral orgasm while vaginal orgasm is still being debated. 

We are surrounded by shame and guilt when it comes to even talking about sex, forget doing it. Why is it a taboo, a sin to be discussed as a topic? I am sure it is purely because of the lack of awareness, that our country is committing sexual crimes. Not exposing the younger population to the right information at the right time, make them behave irrationally and sometimes even violently.

In the modern world, when technology is in ones’ hand in the form of internet, there is a lot of misleading information that is disposed. Women are ashamed of their bodies as they compare their sagging boobs, skin and stretch marks to that woman in a pornographic clip who has a sculpted body with perfect skin. They fail to realize that It is plastic surgery and make up that make their boobs look perky and skin look clear. There are women who are ashamed of the way their labia looks and go in for surgery as an option, when it is totally unnecessary. Every woman has a unique and different looking labia. The ones in pornography’s have bleached and modified their labia through labiaplasty so that they may look lighter and cuter. So now the expectations that are set by these videos in the minds of those who watch make them feel like they are imperfect, thus bringing in feelings of shame and inadequacy. It is completely your call to keep or remove your pubic hair. But remember, there are 8000 nerve endings and a reason for the hair to remain. 

So now you see why women suppress their desire to be pleasured, focus on satisfying their partner than being satisfied. Like a hand or a leg, a brain or a heart, girl, you have a vulva, your labia can be any colour, shape or size and can have different odours depending on the time of month. Be body confident, talk to your partner about your needs on bed, educate your partner and clear the misconceptions. The health benefits of having an orgasm trump the myths and misconceptions surrounding it. So go ahead, aim for your big O. You deserve it!

I’m Neela Sivakumar a Tantra Based Sexual Wellness Consultant & An aspiring Relationship Coach based out of Bangalore.